you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
