i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
