i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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