You know, be my cock's hype man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
