So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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