im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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