I hate your face
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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