I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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