I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
