: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
