Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
