I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
