pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
