If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
