New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
