worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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