I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
