I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
