If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
