why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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