soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
