Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
