Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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