I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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