yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
