Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
