I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
