Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
