I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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