I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
