thus making me awesome and them whores
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
