I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
