I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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