My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
