your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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