i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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