OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
