Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
