My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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