made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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