Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
