I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no you cant smoke seaweed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
