So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
