Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
