he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
