Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
