Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
