I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
