Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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