i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
