how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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