I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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